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Many women, now divorced or having left their husband expressly for their Lost Lover, find that the Lost Lover is remaining in his marriage.

As Kalish wrote to me, “I’ve spoken to many women who wind up alone.” Partly because both parties rarely exit existing marriages, the most common endings are zero contact with the former lover, or a continued sexual affair.

In her book Lost & Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romance, Kalish reveals that 76% of pre-internet and 78% of first-love re-connections in Phase 1 culminated in happy marriages—sex beyond compare, highs that seem to last forever, baby-talk that ruins other people’s digestion. On the other hand, as Kalish wrote to me, by the mid-2000’s, “People were just surfing the internet, and what could be the harm of sending an email?

But it would appear that there are wise limits for friending.

About 25% of us have one: A Lost Love from our youth who didn’t become our forever mate.

And it’s only natural to wonder whatever happened to them.

"This can't hurt to look up so-and-so," they reason, "we were just kids; it wasn't real.

And anyway, I'm happily married now." But neither their marital status nor the length of time since they saw their first love nor their current age stops them from engaging in full-blown torrid (and usually illicit) affairs.Emotional aftermath includes fractured, confused lives…lives that were rolling along just fine until an innocent email derailed their stability.



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