Dating slang vanilla
The term "vanilla" does seem to be a byword for "sexually pedestrian," and even the mainstream media has got in on the act. Being sexually unadventurous is now apparently the most grievous character flaws a person (especially a woman) can be accused of. But laying the blame entirely at the feet of BDSM folks is overly simplistic.
In the episode "The One With Rachel's Big Kiss," Phoebe refuses to believe that Rachel kissed a girl during college, saying "It just seems pretty wild, and you're so vanilla"—an accusation Rachel receives with indignation, spluttering,"I am NOT vanilla! In the British cult comedy , when an unenthusiastic Jez reveals his fantasy of a threesome to his girlfriend and then worriedly asks, "Is that too much? Although "vanilla" may have its origins within the community, plenty of non-kinksters have adapted it for their own use.
Any of various tropical American vines of the genus Vanilla in the orchid family, especially V.
planifolia, widely cultivated for its long narrow seedpods, which yield an aromatic substance used especially as a flavoring.
As any marketing exec knows, the moment people become satisfied is the moment they stop buying stuff.
As Clarisse Thorn concludes, it's important "to stay aware of pressures on everyone, and to help people create space for boundaries as well as sexual exploration." The right to say, "No thanks, that's not for me" without being shamed is crucial, whatever your orientation.
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notions of eroticism and sensuality are simply dismissed.
So you can imagine how much fun is it to be vanilla, mono, AND bi! I've learn to say that I love sex as much as anybody, I just don't want to do it with anybody.
I also think if vanilla has become a term of abuse, the blame more likely lies with those who profit from people's insecurity that their sex life is not sufficiently exotic.
Anyone who's flipped through a women's magazine demanding that you perform "10 Tricks To Drive Him Wild!
She has also written for Ms, the Women's Media Center and The Daily Telegraph among many others, and is founder of the feminist blog All That Chas. The one thing that I would have to regretfully disagree with (in my own experience) is the idea that most kinky folk know better than to disparage someone else's sexuality.
I'm often frustrated in my own local bdsm community by comments that people make mocking "vanilla" folk (there is even a much-loved t-Shirt that reads "Vanilla is boring".) Completely agree with your stance, though: "The right to say, "No thanks, that's not for me" without being shamed is crucial, whatever your orientation." Well put :) I've seen a lot of the same thing between the poly/mono folks...." or a sex manual that just makes you feel inadequate and unsexy knows who those profiteers are.