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11-Jan-2020 23:30

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I still feel really unhappy about what he has done.

Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.

You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.

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I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.When I challenged him, he was embarrassed and then defensive saying it was just harmless flirting and that he had not gone over any line.Like many problems, it can start innocently at first, with a person visiting sexually titillating sites perhaps out of boredom or a seeking escapism but then it can escalate to other behaviours, such as directly communicating with other people online and over time can become addictive and harmful.

Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.

How much of a problem it is, depends on the degree and type of access and what it means in the context of the marriage.